A few months ago my boyfriend died. Yes it was as blunt as that… I felt so numb I couldn’t even cry…I didn’t have a goodbye. I knew I wanted one, a final moment and thought to make contact. I got the most wonderful advice from a person I have great admiration for and it worked. I got my goodbye and in return I experienced a pain that transcended the physical and cut right through to my soul. The tears, they come finally and so did the depression. I usually don’t have much trouble working through my emotions but this was different it felt like there was a block. I would have long periods where I was totally numb. I knew I couldn’t stay like that so I turned to the Element of Water.
I have a good connection with the element of water. For me it has great power with my emotions, perfect to release my tears and work through my grief. I set up an altar and made daily invocations, petitions and meditations with the Water. I took trips to the Sea, lakes and rivers and spent hours at a time meditating, crying and just being. At one point I experienced a total emotional overload, the flood gates had fully opened and would not stop. I was slipping further and further into depression. It was then I encountered a Water Elemental that helps people with grief, this was a truly amazing experience. I had worked with water elemental’s before but this one was different, it felt more personal. The elemental helped me get my emotions back under control and I got some understanding. I realised then that was what I needed…some understanding, to balance my emotions with some clear thinking. I therefore set to working with the Element of Air as well.
Air and Water working in tandem, to bring my grief out and gain insight and understanding. I can truly say now that I know myself far better then I ever had before. I am still working through things but I am far less depressed. I feel transformed in some ways, petty little annoyances don’t bother me as much as they used too and I feel a lot less angry about… well everything I did before.
I think I will eventually share the insights I gained from these experiences but I will leave that for another day.